Myself.

This isn't really going the way I thought it would when I created it. I made it with the intent to speak of things I dislike in a satirical way through wit and sarcasm. Instead it's basically a quasi-well written account of my life that avoids recounting my day-to-day happenings and instead touches upon my life as a whole up until this point.

Should I go the way I wanted? Can I go the way I wanted? Am I actually capable of what I want to be? To exemplify, I'd like to write along the lines of Stephen Colbert, but not as extreme. You know, talk as if I think and feel and believe one thing when really, I believe the exact opposite.

I suppose I could keep this format and inject more of that satire within? But then would it be me anymore or would it simply be me trying to be something I'm not? Wait, didn't I just say I wanted to speak as someone I'm not?

Besides, to quote I Heart Huckabees, "How am I not myself?"

Is it really possible not to be yourself, or is it that even when you're not being your usual self, you're still being you because you're doing it? Putting on whatever facade you are, it's still you putting it on.

I mean, when an actor is playing a role, their name might not be the same and their actions might not reflect those which they normally portray, but it's still them playing the part. They're simply being themselves by being someone else. It's who they are.

Does that make sense?

Regardless, if this is going so well for me, why change it? If I'm writing this for myself and not for whatever audience there is/will be, why should I care that when I look back, it's all kind of boring?

I guess maybe that's just it. Maybe I'm lying to myself when I say that this is for me. Maybe I'm already trying to be something I'm not by teling myself I'm writing for me. I mean, why else would I be writing this online instead of in a book?

I gues I do want an audience. I want people to read this and discuss it's contents. I want attention. I just don't want atention from people I already know (my wife aside, of course). I want people to stumble across this and not feel forced to tell me how good it is because they know me. I want you randoms out there to come along and tell me how good it is because it is good, if it actually is. If not, come challenge me. Try to knock me down a peg or two. Tell me what I'm doing wrong and thinking wrong, k?

One thing I know is that this has been very void of anything cartoon, even in the darker, less colourful form I spoke of.

Here's to changing that.