Sears? More Like Spears.

Sears Bloomington doesn't have beds.

Is this legal? I mean, for Sears to not have beds feels like the end of the world, doesn't it? Actually, I'm pretty sure I could hear Michael Stipe singing inside my head as we discovered that in their bedding section, they only had two beds, and they were mere accessories to the comforter sets on display. I felt like someone came up behind me, stuck their member in me and said "Gotcha!", which in this situation, Sears was the someone, and the ass raping was the severe lack of beds.

We wanted a god damn bed for christ's sake and Sears was severly without!

I should write them and complain.

Dear Sears,

Your beds were on sale this week and yet your store in Bloomington, Indiana had no beds. Now, I understand you have a website, but in the case of beds, well, I'd kind of like to at least lay down on one before purchasing. I mean, if I'm going to spend a third of my life in it, I'm going to want something that caters to my needs, and I can't exactly look at a bed and tell the level of comfort I'm going to recieve. Sure, there are people out there who mail order brides based on a picture and small description, so ordering a bed without trying it out shouldn't seem like too big a deal. However, as I don't really comprehend desperation for companionship, seeing as how I already have my own wife, first, the ass raping you gave me was completely unwelcome, and second, it's a very big deal. My point is that each and every one of your stores should stock beds because I'm pretty sure you don't really want rape charges on your record, do you?

Sincerely,

C.W. Thomas.

There's nothing like threatening a corporation with rape charges. Especially when you try to mentally picture a store trying to rape someone.

Awesome.