Manage This.

Moi? A manager? No, I couldn't. No, seriously, I couldn't. No, I'm not joking. As flattering as it is to be thought of for the position, I'm going to have to pass.

"But why?"

Well, for starters I wouldn't make enough money for the extra hours I'd be working.

"But it's only 4 extra hours a week."

Yeah, on paper, but when all is said and done you know that's not true. Besides, I don't feel cut out for that position anyways. You may think I am, but you're basing that on personality and not my ability to manage and truthfully, I'm not even remotely close to well versed enough in the ways of this store to take that on. It's not that I'm not capable of taking on the responsibility, don't think it's that. I'm more than sure I could evolve into a very responsible department manager. It's more so that I don't want to climb this corporate ladder any higher and find myself trapped in a position I can't seem to escape from.

I may be a people person (to some degree), but I am not a coaxing people out of their money in order to help the rich get richer person. I have morals, and these keep me from trying to sell people pointless garbage. If they want to come in and buy something, I'm more than happy to direct them, but I am not going to manipulate them into purchasing something they've changed their mind about. In fact, I might even go out of my way to sway them from getting certain things because I know for a fact that they won't last.

Additionally, all I hear from my own department managers is how much they dislike their position, and frankly, I'm quite content in mine, so if it ain't broke, why in Fry's name would I go fixing it? I am here to pay the bills while my wife-i and I make our way through school and possibly even after for a little bit of extra on the side and I don't need to move up any more in order to accomplish this.

I thank you for the offer and am very flattered I was the number one choice, but it's a no, k?

K.

Toasted Wahlbergs With A Holy Grail Sauce.

First things first...wait. I don't even comprehend the point in this phrase now that I actually type it out? Obviously first things are going to come first. You can't exactly say your second piece of information first or else it becomes your first piece of information. That phrase is complete nonsense! I suggest here and now that it be completely stricken from the record, and by record I mean dictionary, and by dictionary I mean English language, and by English language I mean my toaster. Unless of course we put it in there for the sake of triple toasting it so as to burn it so intensely that no amount of knife scraping will take the burnt off and thus, it shall meet its demise.

Speaking of toast, who out there is a Mark Wahlberg fan? I, for one, am. The wife-i and I were discussing the Wahlberg's the other day over a cup of NKOTB and we discovered that the Wahlberg's talent lay more in their confidence than their abilities. I mean, Donnie isn't the greatest singer, but he has an attitude that makes him stand out as a performer. His acting isn't top notch either, but he's got a special something between the lines that gives him character. Mark, additionally wasn't the greatest rapper, but again, the attitude allowed him to shine through. His acting, while better than Donnie's, still isn't the greatest, but he's got this on-screen charm that keeps people coming back for more.

We will call these people Wahl-flowers... or no, how about Wahl-ruses? Wahl-diers? Like soldiers? We march on and fight in support of Marky Mark? Okay, I can't think of a name for his fans, but we exist, and some of us exist past his infamous washboard ads from the early-mid 90's. My point is that it is because we exist that a little skit on Saturday Night Live this past weekend also exists, and this skit is called "Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals," and I post it for your viewing pleasure:



Now, I'm not sure what any of you actually thought of it, but for me, it's one of the funniest things I've seen on SNL in a long time, and to allude back to my post regarding my sense of humour: this is it. This is the epitome of my sense of humour.

Complete nonsense.

Now, some may hear this and suggest that if I like the nonsensical than I must like movies, like, oh, say, The Holy Grail, but after finally (FINALLY) seing it this weekend, I can honestly say that it is completely overrated. While I will admit there are some funny parts and that it's not that I didn't enjoy it, but I found myself shrugging my shoulders like nobody's business when all was said and done. While part of it was the 15 year build up, I think the other part is that humour has evolved so much since this movie was created. Like horror, it takes originality and innovation to be pulled off, and it feels like so many movies must have borrowed and stemmed from this that theres this Beatles effect to it. As in, the Beatles, while amazing, are nothing to sneeze at for generations of today because "it all sounds the same" due to so many bands having simply evolved from what the Beatles pioneered in a pop-cultural sense.

While my sense of humour is so unbelievably close to that emitted by the Monty Python's, the Naked Guns, et al. what seperates the two, for me, is the delivery. They may both be complete and utter nonsense, but when I watched The Holy Grail, I could sense this, how do I put it... awareness, maybe? Yes. An awareness of the comedy that was being laid down. As in, you could see in the characters faces and body language that they were being silly. Whereas people like Andy Samberg (who plays Wahlberg in the aforeposted skit) and fellow cast-mates Kristin Wiig and Fred Armisen have this ability to completely abandon that awareness and take on the persona of the characters they're playing. Theres a seriousness to their silly.

That is what does it for me. The ability to not just act or write funny, but to be funny. To embody funny.

It's a priceless attribute when it comes to comedy.

Trust me, I'm a cartoon.

Cartoons know these things.

So world, I would like you to please produce more seriously funny souls, because Fry knows were in need of a good laugh.

Kario Mart!

The lovely wife-i pur-chased Mario Kart Wii for me for my day of birth! That day is not until the 11th of this lovely month of Rocktober, but she gave it to me early as we are going out of town the day before it hits and wanted to get some extremely necessary play time in before we went and let me tell you! It's pretty darn fun, people. I mean, it's the same good ol Mario Kart, but with the addition of physically turning a wheel and being able to play against people all over this 3rd rock of ours, it's fantastic! Not to mention that in addition to all the new tracks, they recycled some of the old tracks (talk about going green) from past Mario Kart's and straight up injected them into this one.

Those of you who have a Wii and don't have Mario Kart, I suggest that you make a point to get off your behinds and put down your rupees for a copy, yeah? Those of you who don't have a Wii and have some other platform, I pity you. Those of you who have no consoles whatsoever, shame on you for not being gamers/lacking the materialistic foundation! How do you expect to get by in this world without owning the new and the best of everything? Apparently you and your VHS cassettes and slap bracelets don't.

Have fun rewinding, suckers.